We have been lied to. What we’ve been sold in love songs and love stories about following your heart has probably caused more heartache than happiness. If I had followed the emotions of my heart, my marriage would have ended long ago, and I would be writing about how to survive a divorce rather than celebrating the successes we now enjoy as a family. Here is the truth. You must lead your heart, not follow it. If you are not leading it, then something or someone else is. To give up power over your heart takes you out of the control position of your life. You are the master of your ship. You decide your destination and establish the course to get you there. People who follow their hearts are often tossed by emotional wind and wave and sometimes their ship sinks before it ever gets to shore. The fact is, following your heart leaves you vulnerable to pursuing what feels right at the moment rather than focusing on the sacrifice and self-control needed to establish stable and secure relationships. Many a marriage has ended when a spouse claims he or she did not mean to fall in love with someone else. This suggests that the decision to engage in a relationship outside of their marriage was simply out of their hands. This is not so. Learning to lead the heart rather than follow it can help correct course before temptation takes over and marriages and homes are broken. Regarding those seeking success in the business world, I recently read an article which identified the challenges associated with being married to an entrepreneur. “Neglect” was cited as one of the most common factors for divorce. The writer spoke of the wonderful memories she made spending time with her children while her husband was consumed with work related responsibilities. Special occasions were repeatedly missed for years while he vigilantly pursued opportunities for professional success. The wife felt her husband had a mistress. In this case, it was his business. Their marriage didn’t make it. Even marriages in faith-based homes can be vulnerable to strain and separation. Dave and Ann Wilson know first-hand how honoring the Lord isn’t enough if they neglect to honor each other. Ann was married to a chaplain for the Detroit Lions football team. He was also co-founder of a megachurch and an inspiring speaker on stages. Everybody seemed to love him. Unbeknownst to Dave, however, he had lost the love of his wife. On their tenth wedding anniversary, Dave planned a beautiful, romantic evening for his sweetheart. For Ann, however, the night was anything but sweet. She had no feelings left for her husband. While in their parked car following what was supposed to be a night which fortified their marriage, Ann told her husband the depths of her despair: I feel like you are never home. I feel like you’re not engaged with me. I feel like you’re not engaged with the boys. My heart for you feels dead and I feel lonely and forgotten! Dave was stunned. He was completely taken aback by the truth that was now glaring at him on the table. Their situation was dire. It was clear that Ann had given up on their marriage. She was done. The hurt ran deep, and her heart was cold because of it. Dave had to decide what to do. His effort to make up for lost time with romance, roses, and a nice restaurant dinner had failed. It seemed that their marriage was in ruins. Dave and Ann sat for a time in silence uncertain about their future. Then, what Dave did next had the power to eventually repair what was broken, to heal the hurt, and put warmth back in Ann’s heart. Dave turned around in the driver’s seat of the car, put his knees on the floorboard, and with the steering wheel at his back, he prayed. In that moment, Dave turned the wheel over to God and vocally petitioned Him for help. Ann was speechless. Dave repented of being so busy that he neglected his family. He begged God to help him become the husband and father he was supposed to be and not the hypocrite he could now see he had become. Seeing and hearing Dave turn to a loving Father in Heaven for help broke Ann’s closed heart open. What was hardened suddenly softened enough to allow humility to slip inside. Knowledge and understanding then began to flow into Ann’s soul. As Dave spoke to God, God spoke to Dave’s wife. Ann suddenly understood that her husband was not equipped to fill all of her needs. In fact, he was never meant to. He was a husband and father trying the best he could to do what he felt needed to be done. He erred, but he wasn’t evil. He was good, and so was she. They needed help—the kind that only an omnipotent God could give. And divine intervention came as it always does when we allow the Lord to lead our lives to a better place. In Proverbs 3: 5-6, we are counseled to “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct they paths.” Ann surrendered her pain and pride and knelt in the car beside her husband to offer her own petition to the Lord. She humbly prayed: Jesus, I want to surrender all of my life to you. I’ve realized tonight that I’ve been trying to find my life in Dave. I’ve been believing that if Dave would just be a better husband, then I could truly be happy. That is a lie. You are my true source of joy. I choose you again tonight as my life. Take my life and our marriage and do great things in and through us. Dave and Ann’s prayers were answered that night. Not only did their marriage survive and thrive, but Dave and Ann now focus their lives on helping other marriages thrive as well. They’ve been married for nearly 40 years and mentor others with this primary principle—marriages need to go vertical. Their book, Vertical Marriage: The One Secret That Will Change Your Marriage, is an excellent resource for guiding husbands and wives back to the powerful, protective influence of a loving God. Ann has testified: “If [God] has the power to resurrect Jesus from the dead, then He has the power to breathe new life into a dead marriage.” That is exactly what God did for their marriage…and for mine. When my marriage was in troubled waters, like Ann, I felt alone and neglected. Personality differences, Brian’s work demands, and other significant distractions created a serious disconnect. It’s not that Brian didn’t love or support me. He just sometimes didn’t know how. My heart no longer felt love for him. This in turn caused him to feel rejected and alone. The cycle and circumstances were painful for us both. Frankly, he felt helpless and so did I. But I kept praying, and so did he. Eventually all that we needed was provided as long as we waited patiently on the Lord. Psalm 27:14 says, “Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.” I waited, but I also had to be still. At times there was so much pain I was processing that I was desperate to run. I wanted to escape to anywhere other than where I was—including from my marriage. I wanted to stay a step ahead of the pain, but the fire was moving too quickly across the plains of my heart and mind. There really was no place to run from the pain, for, left unresolved, it would always inevitably follow. Thankfully over that difficult period in our marriage, Brian and I received many unique and helpful answers to our prayers. Here are a few for which I am especially grateful. I remember a particular moment in time when I felt incredibly trapped. I was driving home alone from a nearby town and seriously contemplating my options. I wanted to leave my husband. I wanted to move forward and away from what seemed to be the cause of my distress. I needed a change, and my mind was scrambling on how to make that happen. Suddenly I heard these words very slowly, yet distinctly come into my mind: Lorrie, be still.  DON’T. DO. ANYTHING. Every word was spoken with emphasis. I use capital letters because the counsel was more of a warning, and yet with a tender tone. It was as if Heaven understood the level of hurt I had been feeling and wanted to warn me without overwhelming me at the same time. I couldn’t handle the meat, so I was given a portion of milk instead. More than once I heard the same words: Be still, Lorrie. Don’t do anything. Heavenly Father knew that was all I could take in. Everything in life felt so complex, so He had to keep it simple. I have learned an important lesson from that counsel. When strong emotions take over, it is wise not to make important decisions. The emotions will be the driving force rather than wisdom and logic. Desperation impedes inspiration. So, keep desperation in check. On another occasion, I awoke early in the morning hearing my husband move about in our bedroom near his side of the bed. The light was still off, and he was quietly trying not to disturb me. I asked what he was doing as it was earlier than he normally goes to work. He said he was going to the temple. As mentioned earlier, temples in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints are special places of worship where church members can feel especially close to the Lord. We go there to serve and to pray like in the ancient temples spoken of in the Bible. Something shifted within me when Brian went to the Boise Temple that day. I felt a burden of sorts lift from me. I began to feel free. This was partly because I could see that Brian was handing the wheel over to the Lord. Our problems were too big for the two of us alone to repair, so Brian’s example showed me that He was trusting Heavenly Father to take the lead. In turn, I felt a softening within me take place. It was not, however, because of what he was saying to me. It was because of what He was saying to the Lord. As the days and weeks passed, I noticed that the closer Brian stepped towards Heavenly Father, the more I naturally stepped closer to Brian. His sense of previous desperation transformed into a quiet inner strength that in turn allowed me to feel like I could depend on Him again. We were slowly but steadily beginning to reconnect. One of the most significant events which transformed our marriage took place when we were on vacation in Hawaii. We had traveled there with another couple with whom we were close friends. The trip was for our 25th wedding anniversary, but Brian nor I were celebrating. Our marriage was still fragile, and we were both suffering inside. As a result, we did relatively little talking with one another. It was a welcome relief to have good friends with whom we could visit and enjoy the sites. One early morning while I still lay in bed, Brian came into our hotel room and sat gently beside me. The usually composed and unemotional man to whom I was married had tears in his eyes. I listened as he tenderly spoke these words: “I am so sorry. Please forgive me.” Trying to keep his emotions in check, Brian explained that he had risen early and went down to the rocky shoreline to think and to walk. He had been restless and unable to sleep with me so emotionally distant beside him. He needed time alone to ponder and to pray. During his walk, Brian pleaded with Heavenly Father to take away his pain. He had never felt such suffering before, and he was desperate for relief. Heavenly Father answered that prayer, not by removing Brian’s pain, but by helping him to comprehend mine… This is just a fraction of the pain Lorrie has been experiencing. Her suffering has been far greater than yours, Brian, and for a longer period of time. That was the answer the Lord gave my grieving husband. He who ached for relief from his own suffering was given a greater understanding of my anguish instead. As Brian reflected on this new realization and began to grasp the depth of grief within my heart, he was overcome with a sense of empathy, compassion, and love for me as his wife. Rather than feeling sorrow for himself, he now recognized my strength and endurance and longed to lift the heavy load I had been carrying. As Brian sat on the side of our bed, I knew he finally understood what he previously could not comprehend. He humbly shared additional insights the Lord had given him as well. As I patiently listened to all he had learned, I began to finally feel hope that full recovery for our marriage was possible. One walk on the shoreline of an island in the Pacific helped heal my husband’s heart—and mine. Ten days in a place miles and miles from home, away from the demands of work, and free from distractions of the world helped transform our troubled marriage. More important insights came during that sacred time together along with more answered prayers. Ten days is what it took for the transformation to take place. A week would not have been enough. Much of what we learned came in the final days of our trip. It takes time for eyes to open, for hearts to soften, and for minds to mend. For those who have both personal and business aspirations in life, I understand that time, effort, and energy are needed to reach desired goals. Remember that building fulfilling family relationships does as well. I encourage you to take whatever time your family needs to receive needed guidance and to reconnect. When a husband and wife have reached that special place where mutual respect, consistent communication, and a desire to genuinely meet one another’s needs is met, the results can be incredibly sweet and satisfying. I know because I am now blessed to experience that joy in my relationship with Brian. It has taken a great deal of work, but with Heavenly Father at the helm, the rewards have been immeasurable.